PLEEEEASE - JUST STOP IT!!

My head is ablaze with SOO many thoughts right now. I have been given my walking papers for a dream life I once lived. Twelve years of paradise has gone into the farthest depths of hell. To see these things just tears at me, every page. Separation of accounts, property (not that there is any), and topping it off - her changing her name back. I'm so dying. I can't hardly see.

My head is off in EVERY direction, on the very tipped edge of gone! I want to yell, scream, throw something, hit anything, and yell somemore. The pain inside is more than I can bear. It is said "all things are possible with God", I think the rope holding me there is down to the last strand. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!!! Marriage gone, work sucks - I'm a TOTAL outcast, classes are in the toilet, WHAT THE HELL and WHY!?!?!?!

If this is a mission for God, then I respectfully dismiss myself from it, I just can't do it anymore. How much crap can one life take? Oh, let's not forget there's more cancer fun coming in October. Whheeeeeee!! NOT!!!

I have NEVER felt this way before, never in my life, I just can't see a 'bright side'! I mean who in their right mind would keep getting up after getting knocked down SOOO many times, huh? It's no longer a question of 'if' I'll get stompmed, but "how". Lacy leaving and doing everything she's done since then just makes me feel like a fool. A fool to believe it was real. It's like climbing back onto a boat and getting punched/clocked clean off the boat again. I have to swim back to the boat, climb up the side, and , I go flying and falling back into the churning waters again. Figure out where the boat is, swim back to it again, climb up the side again, and (right in my gut) then to my head, and I fall into the waters again, hitting the ship on the way down. Others are telling me to: fight, keep going, you can make, but I'm sore, tired, dizzy, feeling unwanted, put off, trouble, better off not anywhere..... I'm tired, in pain, and alone.
God help me.